The Non-Date Date

Right now I would be getting off a ferry in Ptown but instead I'm trapped at work reading a 233 page spec. I cxled my ptown plans because I just wasn't up for another crazy weekend. I need some time to think and figure out what my next steps are going to be.

I had a very cool impromptu dinner with my roommate's friend I met a couple of weeks ago. One text message and 15 mins later we were having mexican food in union square. It was a very causal non-date date. I've been kinda flaky with him. First saying we should go out, then changing my mind, then stating the following:

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[17:40] WilSgfrd: i think I'm going to head out

[17:40] WilSgfrd: sorry if I've been alittle on the flaky side about meeting up

[17:41] WilSgfrd: I just think I'm not dealing well with being single thing

[17:42] WilSgfrd: and I'm still kinda figuring things out for me

[17:43] WilSgfrd: anyway

[17:48] Roommate’s Friend: hey

[17:48] RF: I understand better than you think

[17:48] RF: which is why I've only been politely nudging you :)

[17:50] WilSgfrd: i think what I need more then anything now are just friends

[17:51] RF: one always needs good friends

[17:51] WilSgfrd: so if you want to hang out and maybe catch a movie or something, without all the bs of dating, or hooking up..then i'd be up for that

[17:53] WilSgfrd: ...

[17:55] RF: um absolutely!

[17:55] RF: I'm never much of a dating person anyway

[17:56] RF: I'd much rather hang out first

[17:56] WilSgfrd: cool

[17:56] WilSgfrd: :)

[17:56] RF: so definitely

[17:57] WilSgfrd: and if your [CENSORED] happens to land [CENSORED], so be it

[17:57] WilSgfrd: :P

[17:57] RF: hahahah

[17:57] RF: exactly!

[17:57] WilSgfrd: i gotta run

[17:57] WilSgfrd: ttyl

[17:57] RF: cool

[17:57] RF: have a good one :)

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After dinner we did dessert (yes, actual dessert, dirty readers) and then I walked with him to meet his friends. He invited me to say hi to them but I just wasn't really up for being social. Its like there is this invisible cube around me. I can see out of it but I just can't break out of my box.

A friend I had dinner with said I'm just now getting to the angry part of my process. My apathy towards dating, friends, family and work have all been pissing me off lately. But its really just my anger about my break up. Angry that I have to deal with being single again, which feels so isolating and strange after being in a relationship for 4.5 years. She said that if I can just stop fighting the anger and let it be there maybe thats the way out of my cube/box thing. Oh and something about finding Jesus.