Risk Taking 101

A recent IM convo about a boy I have/had/still have? a crush on.

[10:28] WilSgfrd: check gmail
[10:29] BFF: k hang on
[10:31] BFF: umm
[10:31] BFF: hmm
[10:31] BFF: he writes well
[10:32] WilSgfrd: thanks
[10:32] WilSgfrd: that makes me feel better
[10:32] BFF: look better for you to know and stop wasting your time
[10:33] BFF: you can't feel bad about it
[10:33] WilSgfrd: thats what my head keeps saying
[10:33] BFF: you took a risk
[10:33] BFF: but the reality is
[10:33] BFF: you didn't even really like him
[10:33] BFF: you just wanted to make out with him
[10:33] BFF: and at least he still wants to be friends
[10:34] WilSgfrd: did I really miss read everything
[10:34] WilSgfrd: I feel like a fool
[10:34] BFF: STOP
[10:34] BFF: you can't feel bad
[10:35] BFF: 1. he's boring and stale and dry
[10:35] BFF: 2. he had the lamest birthday party I have ever seen
[10:35] BFF: 3. you would have been self-conscious during the entire relationship if you did date him and it would have driven you crazy
[10:36] WilSgfrd: but it would have been fun
[10:36] BFF: a lot of things would have been fun
[10:37] BFF: it would have been fun if you won megamillions when you bought that lottery ticket two years ago
[10:37] BFF: it would have been fun if [CENCORED] actually became successful and could have supported you
[10:37] BFF: but those things didn't happen and you can't change them
[10:37] BFF: you just have to move on
[10:40] BFF: this might make you laugh...my dad just called me at work to ask if I hid/took his Kenny G CD when I was home during Easter
[10:40] WilSgfrd: haha
[10:40] WilSgfrd: it does thanks
[10:40] WilSgfrd: :)
[10:41] BFF: you also already have some one else on the horizon
[10:41] WilSgfrd: maybe, who knows
[10:42] BFF: that's the beauty of being single
[10:42] BFF: you just never know what's out there
[10:42] BFF: and you need to reposition it as an opportunity to meet some one new and better than your last relationship vs. a painful scary task
[10:43] BFF: (i'm playing ms.opptimism today, must be the yoga last night)
[10:43] WilSgfrd: I know, its scarying me


Thank u BFF, u rock.

John Mayer 'Dreaming With A Broken Heart'

Project: Design your own business card

Two different ideas here. Not sure which one I like. The bright and shinny (above) or the dark and somber (below)

keith Harring Menu - Back

Keith Harring Menu - Front.

Metal slate w. spray paint

Um just in case u didnt know...

it wa my birthday on friday. Thanks Sue!

Tomorrow

I always tend to think of my life in events or birthdays. Where was I when I was 24? 26? Where was I last 4th of July? When was my first xmas with Lucky? Before and after my hospital stay. A measure of time, I guess.

Now on the eve of my 32nd birthday, I'm doing it again. A year ago, I had the worst bday on record. My relationship was falling apart. I couldn't get in touch with my best friend and my other bf cxled on me at the last min. while I was heading to the club to meet her. No birthday cake, no cards, no nothing. Oh, it was raining. A friend I was having dinner around that time, asked me where I wanted to be a year from now. I said, I want more of life, I want real friendships, work that I like, more sports and to understand myself better.

Now, I'm taking a graphic design class and making new healthy friendships through vball. Thats not to say that everything is perfect. I take everything with a gain of salt. There is always room for improvement.

Another friend of mine asked me what I wanted to do with my life recently. I responded with, "I want to be happy". He frowned and rolled his eyes. He's young, still in school and has this grand plan for his life. It bothered me when I was asked about what I want to do with my life. I dont know the answer to that yet. But I know what I dont want it to be. I've had so much darkness, sickness and all out crack headedness in the past 8 yrs in NYC, that I'm just glad I can say that I'm becoming happy. Its a very scary thing because its my nature to always think of the negative. Or to always chase possible boyfriends for distraction from myself. My roommate is probs laughing at me right now, saying "betch your always chasing someone." To a point, he's right. Which I'm working on it. Its been a year of me being single, the longest I've gone in recent memory. In the beginning I was terrified but now I'm learning who I am and what makes me happy without distraction. So tomorrow is another measure of time and it makes me smile.

The Wines of Time.